Mirror Mirror…

There is a common spiritual idea that says:

what triggers you in another person exists in you.

And while this is insightful, it is also easily misunderstood and needs some unpacking.

Because not every deep reaction is a mirror of character. Most often it is a reflection of the actual experiences that the body continues to play out.

For example. When someone’s rudeness, coldness or dismissiveness affects you more than it seems to affect others, the first instinct may be to turn to an inner judgment and question.

“Why does this bother me so much?”

“What does this say about me?”

“Is this my ego?”

“What’s wrong with me”

We can then go into shame and/or numbing/distracting.

But intensity of feeling does not always automatically equal similarity in behaviour.

For example, if someone is sharp in tone and you feel a seemingly disproportionate emotional reaction to this, it may not be because you are secretly sharp yourself.

More likely it is because the nervous system is attuned to tone due to a learned lack of safety.

This is where presence becomes profoundly important.

When conscious awareness was missing in formative environments, the psyche adapts.

It becomes observant. Careful. Sensitive to shifts in energy.

Not fragile ~ but alert.

Kind of like a rabbit in headlights or being on the front line of battle.

So later in life, when someone is rude, cold or emotionally careless, the reaction in you can feel particularly deep.

Not always because the current situation is extreme, but because the emotional texture is familiar.

The body does not only react to current events.

It reacts to similarity of past conscious or unconscious situations.

This is why two people can experience the same behaviour and respond very differently.

One may shrug it off while another feels a tightness in the chest, a drop in mood, or an internal collapse that seems out of proportion.

The difference is not strength ~ It is history.

Of course, sometimes what we react to in others does reveal similarity traits, however, in this instance what I’m referring to is what we are triggered by is not the trait itself. It is the emotional impact that trait once had on us that is simply replaying.

Being deeply affected by harshness does not mean you are harsh.

Being disturbed by gossip does not mean you are secretly judgmental.

Being triggered by dismissiveness does not mean you are overly sensitive in a flawed way.

It can, however, mean you are being triggered by relational energy from a body-mind system which learned earlier that subtle behaviours carry emotional weight.

In this sense, we can see that triggers are less like accusations and more like indicators.

They show us where we are tender.

Where we are protective.

Where we are still wired to seek safety in a world that was not always soft.

This awareness shifts the inner dialogue.

Instead of asking,

“What is wrong with me for reacting?”

We begin to ask,

“What is this reaction aiming to protect?”

“What historical part of me is responding?”

The goal is not to become unaffected by everything. It is not to numb sensitivity or override emotional responses in the name of spiritual growth.

The aim is understanding.

Understanding that strong reactions are not moral failures. They are in fact signals and more importantly INvitations.

Signals of past experience, emotional needs, and nervous system learning. Invitations to now face and dissolve that which no longer serves.

What looks like ‘being triggered’ is simply the psyche recognising the absence of the very thing it has always needed most:

Presence.

The simplicity in all of this is that we do not need to delve into the ‘ins & outs’, or the ‘who, what, when, where, why’s’…

We do not need to unpack or even look into past history. In fact that can often keep us stuck in a loop.

We simply need awareness of the emotion itself. Giving it full permission to be here offers it the safety net to dissolve the repetition.

And in this we can see that the role of others and the subsequent triggers are a beautiful gift.

My role is simple ~ that is to assist you in this process by (metaphorically) holding your hand when it seems difficult (or even impossible) to face this alone at first…

…and to remind you of the divine truth in all of this when the mind reverts back to “what is wrong with me”.

And that truth?…

There never was. Never is. And never will be anything wrong with You.

~

As I finish writing this an incredibly beautiful song comes to awareness ~ Mirrors, Justin Timberlake 🙏🏻

~

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