Butterfly goo.

From Butterfly Goo to Boundless Peace: A Personal Journey of Self Realisation

Having had an opening ~a glimpse of my True Nature~ as a small child, I didn’t know exactly what it was. With no obvious outer guidance, I couldn’t name it.

But the memory could never be forgotten.

There were further openings, further seeings later on, but it wasn’t until I had a major collapse of identity many years later that everything suddenly made sense ~ everything I’d witnessed as a child.

Life now felt amazing.

Like heaven on earth.

But again, with no real guidance, I didn’t know.

This wasn’t the end.

I was having what I now understand ~ and what is often referred to ~ as a Kundalini Awakening.

~

The Unseen Side of Awakening.

Much of what I found online mostly kept me stuck in an ego loop. It became clear that many people who experience this can become lost, confused, and even overwhelmed.

And I was no exception.

As my process unfolded, I became confused, lost, and frightened.

Emotions grew intense.

The pain body ~as it’s often called~ was now causing incredible suffering.

I found myself completely isolated.

Alone. Lonely. Lost.

Deeply depressed, with daily panic attacks and relentless anxiety.

This went on for around three years ~ with no one around me who truly understood or had the awareness to help.

My mind was never still. It was constantly racing.

As I detached from past conditioning, the ego fought back, trying to keep its place. Meanwhile, the emotional body was clearing fast.

I hadn’t chosen or tried to awaken.

Though I’d had a seeing at a very young age, at this point I had no idea what was happening.

I was just a girl living a modest life in the UK ~ and this had never been spoken about.

~

The Dangers of Forcing What Is Meant to Flower.

I started to notice something: there were so many people trying to “awaken their Kundalini” or “open their third eye.”

And I now see ~ very clearly ~ the danger in this.

Without proper guidance, insight, or discernment, rushing this process can lead to unnecessary suffering and confusion.

And suddenly, my experience started to make sense.

Not only has my own journey given me clarity to assist others, but it showed me something vital:

Self Realisation must be a gentle flowering, not something to be forced.

As my process began to calm, it felt like I was starting from the beginning.

Of course I wasn’t ~ but there were many layers of belief to dissolve.

This time, though, I had a deeper understanding of the way through.

~

From Suffering to Service.

Those difficult years of suffering and confusion were actually showing me something profound ~ something I couldn’t see at the time.

And now?

That understanding is part of how I help others.

My process began to calm because of a few key factors:

• A deep inner trust that there are no mistakes.

• A longing, a pull, a yearning ~ to come to peace, to uncover my True Nature.

• And a knowing that everything and everyone would benefit from this realisation ~ including my son, my relationships, my whole life.

With this trust and the beautifully patient support of my dear friend & Western mystic Philip Wade harmony was reached.

~

A Simple Truth

It became crystal clear:

My journey was no longer a forcing.

It was a flowering into being.

Yes, sometimes there is processing to go through.

A facing of the emotions that arise ~ over and over, without running from them.

But this process cannot and must not be forced.

It’s so simple, in fact, that we don’t believe it.

So we keep looping, seeking, trying ~ until one day we finally see:

The simplicity was right there, staring us in the face.

And when we see it, it’s beyond our wildest dreams.

As one of my earlier insights put it:

“Of course it’s simple! It’s heaven, silly.”

~

Butterfly Goo & the Fear of Death.

Recently, I remembered reading a book as a little girl about how a caterpillar turns into a butterfly. 🐛🦋

It said something like:

“If you cut open a chrysalis, you won’t find a half-caterpillar, half-butterfly. You’ll find butterfly goo.”

The caterpillar dissolves completely ~ then rebuilds itself from that goo.

But the adult butterfly retains memories of being a caterpillar.

This memory now feels so profound.

It’s the perfect pointer for Self Realisation.

The greatest fear in this process is the fear of death.

But not death in the way we usually think.

It’s a seeing through all that we are not ~ the death of belief.

The memory remains. But now there is freedom.

A vast opening of the wings.

A release of suffering.

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The Role I Now Play.

This is a natural process.

But my role is to serve as a reminder ~ a reflection ~ of this simplicity.

To assist others in trusting it.

To show you there is no race.

To gently guide and hold space as your natural flowering unfolds.

I’m not here to romanticise this path.

Its certainly not always easy.

For most, there will be contractions, confusion, doubt.

For some, the full rollercoaster of intensity.

But now, through every high, every low, and everything in between, I know:

The ones who find their way to me for support, can benefit from the insight and experience this journey has given me.

And for that, I am truly grateful and humbled beyond words.

~

“Self Realisation… Now What?”

I was sitting one day, resting, when a question came from within:

“Self Realisation… Now what?”

And immediately after, I chuckled because the inner answer came so clearly:

“Nothing.”

You see, once this is seen, once we’re open to this, nothing more is needed.

I had everything within… and so do you.

There’s nothing to strive for.

Nothing to fix or fight.

No one to become.

Just a graceful moving of life around you.

While inside remains still, silent, and untouched.

~

The Only True Calling.

And so, the only true calling?

Is to share this with those who find me.

I live this life now with one simple knowing:

There was never anything wrong with me.

There was never anything wrong with you either.

🌸

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