And we say… We think...
Why aren’t things changing for me.
Why am I still stuck, still suffering, still traumatised and making stupid decisions.
Why does no one ‘truly’ understand me.
Why is no one ‘truly’ here for me.
Why are others using me, abusing me, mocking or abandoning me.
Why wasn’t my father or mother the loving, caring presence I so needed.
Why did that partner lie, abuse and scare me.
Why is my child using and draining me.
How do I RID myself of these feelings, this shaking nervous system, the guilt… regret… and oh this anger. This anger.
Is there something wrong with all these tears or the suppression of?
What is wrong with me. Will I ever be fixed.
….
BUT then I see…
OH wow.
This whole time.
I was looking the wrong way.
I was pointing the finger ‘out there’…
Saying… Believing…
YOU have harmed me, used me, abused me, abandoned me.
YOU need to fix me, love me, care for me.
BUT.
We recognise the tantruming child withIN.
The little one attempting to shake us awake.
Saying… SEE me, recognise me, hold me.
Oh how did I miss this.
How did I miss YOU dear one.
Turning INward ~ kneeling in grace.
Finally allowing it all. All the “broken” pieces, the exhaustion.
I see YOU 🙏🏻
I see now that I was wishing you away.
Attempting to change you inside and out.
BUT now I allow ALL of YOU.
The ONE that needed me the most.
The ONE of upmost importance.
Before those out 'there'.
When I put YOU first. I put ALL first.
Perhaps on recognising this there is an instantaneous shift.
Or perhaps I have to turn to you over and over because this is so alien to me.
Either way I accept all of YOU.
Forever and in ALL~ways.
Because YOU my darling.
Are perfect EXACTLY as you are.
🌸
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